


Haunted Cries

by Ember_x_Mystery



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Did this off of a prompt, Fluffy, I don't know if this will be happy or not, I wrote another chapter after labeling this as complete, Kira is coming, L is an adorable cuddler, L is just adorable, L is trying to prevent Kira's return, Light is going insane, Light is sweet, Light used to be Kira, M/M, Thoughts of Suicide, WHY DO I WANT TO SAVE HIM, Watari is nice, he has memories of Kira, how did I make myself feel bad about Light?, it depends on how I feel the day I write the chapter, late night fic, the second chapter is much darker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-03-25 21:33:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13843473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ember_x_Mystery/pseuds/Ember_x_Mystery
Summary: The memory of Kira still haunts Light in his dreams. L hears his cries in the night and can't help but want to help him. After all, the chain has drawn them awfully close together.





	1. The Dream

**Author's Note:**

> *sigh*. I wrote this while I was with a friend and we were doing fanfiction writing prompts... so it's a bit cliche. Oh well.  
> Please enjoy!

"Please, please, no!"

I jumped in my chair as I heard Light-kun speak. He was never awake at this time of night. The clock read 3:42 A.M. so there was no reason for Light-kun to be awake.

I wanted to ask him if he was okay, but he had gone silent. I took that as a sign that I was just overly tired and had imagined everything. Then, I heard him cry out again, "Kira! Kira, what are you doing here? Please, just leave me alone!"

I stood up, curiosity bubbling through my mind. What could Light-kun be talking about? Even though the room was dark, the bluish light from my computer screen provided enough light so that I could tell there was no one else in the room and Light-kun had clearly not moved. The chain between us still glinted in the dim light from my computer.

When I was near enough to Light-kun, I could see that he was drenched in sweat, his forehead creased in distress. "Please," he whimpered, "Please, just end it."

"Light-kun," I whispered softly as I reached out to shake him awake. I laid my hand on his shoulder and tried to gently nudge him awake.

Suddenly, Light-kun's hand shot to mine and gripped my wrist like steel. He sat up so quickly he almost knocked his head into mine. I dodged out of the way and focused my attention on calming Light-kun. I held his shoulders, trying to keep him still.

"Shh," I said, confusion evident in my tone. "Light-kun. Light-kun, you were asleep. You were dreaming."

He looked at me with those beautiful carmel eyes and my throat tightened.

"No," he whispered. "No, Ryuzaki, it- it-"

I noticed Light-kun close his eyes as he turned his head away, his voice breaking in anguish. I still held onto his shoulders firmly, trying to keep him calm.

Light-kun breathed in deeply then looked at me out of the corner of his eye. "It was nothing," he muttered under his breath. He shoved me off of him and turned his back to me. "Just… go continue looking at the Kira case. Leave me alone."

"Light-kun," I whispered. I wanted to hold him in my arms but I knew that that wouldn't be welcome. "It wasn't nothing. You were talking about Kira."

"L, I don't care to hear your theories that I'm Kira right now. I just want to sleep."

I looked down at the chain that lay slack on the bed. I crept around to the other side of Light-kun's bed and climbed up. I crouched down, watching Light-kun who was pointedly not looking at me. "Light-kun," I whispered. I reached out to touch his arm but held back, knowing he would just brush my hand away. "In your dream, you were talking to Kira."

Light-kun stiffened. "I… was talking to… Kira?"

"Yes," I said softly, laying down beside Light-kun so our faces were a breadth apart.

"Ryuzaki, I don't want to talk about this right now. Just… let me sleep."

"Okay," I said, standing up. I stayed close to the bed but I looked out the window at the city lights shining in the dark night sky, trying to think of what Light-kun's dream could have been about. After a while, I heard Light-kun's breathing steady and calm down. I wanted to know what he had been dreaming about but I also wanted him to sleep well.

I turned to look at him only to find his brow creased in distress once again. I stood up, immediately moving to his side. I worried that he was back in his dream with Kira.

"No," Light-kun whispered, his eyes closed in despair. "No, please, no."

"Light-kun!" I cried grabbing his shoulders in a panic. I sat on the bed once again and forced him to sit upright. He hung his head limply and wouldn't meet my gaze, but I wouldn't let him go back into that dream. I had a fierce desire to protect him burning inside of me.

Light-kun blinked his eyes opened. He was already aware of what had happened.

"Ryuzaki… I… I saw him."

"Kira?"

"Yes," Light-kun hesitated, "Yes and no. I saw Kira, but I saw myself."

I was stunned silent. What could I say? I had been waiting for a confession this entire time, but now that I had one, I didn't want to believe it. Light just couldn't be Kira.

"Ryuzaki, there's no point in denying it. I'm too similar to Kira."

I bit my lip. I had fought so hard to prove him guilty before but now… now that I knew the real Light-kun, I didn't feel like we were enemies. I felt like we could be so much more. I just wasn't sure how. "Could you tell me in detail what your dream was about?" I asked, deciding to get to the point I wanted to make quickly.

"I… I was talking to Kira. He was telling me… " Light-kun's voice caught and he folded his head further down into his chest.

I held onto him, not daring to let him go, but also not daring to get any closer to him.

"He was telling me to…. Kill you. I told him that he should take… my worthless life instead. That was when he stepped from the shadows. He looked… He looked like me," Light's voice broke. "He told me to turn around and… and I did and I saw you… you were falling. I lunged, I caught you. You… you were dying. Ryuzaki, you were dying in my arms. And it was Kira- no, it was me who had killed you. Then… then later… He appeared again. He appeared and He told me He wanted me to do more. I tried to run away. I tried to hide but, He caught me. He held me. I begged Him to end my life but, He told me no. He told me that I had to do His bidding. He was holding me. He was forcing me to kill. He was forcing me…"

Light had begun to cry. His tears slipped down his cheeks and plopped onto the sheets of the bed. His body shook with quiet sobs.

Without thinking, I reached my arms out and hugged him. I held him close to me and let him cry on my shoulder. He remained frozen for a minute, assuming that I would back away, most likely. But when I didn't, Light leaned into my hug. He wrapped his arms around me and cried into my shoulder.

I didn't know how I could comfort him. I hoped that I was doing enough but I feared that there was something I should say to tell him how I felt. I thought that there must be some common words of comfort that would help.

But… that wasn't what Light needed. He didn't need someone average. He needed someone who understood him.

"Light-kun, I believe you are correct. You are, or were, Kira," I paused but Light remained in my arms. "Your subconscious is haunting you. Your Kira is haunting you. But, Light-kun, you are no longer Kira. Kira is a memory. Kira is a nightmare. Now, you want to stop Kira because Light Yagami is good. Light Yagami has the potential to do either great good or great evil. Same as everyone. Even I know that. I'm no longer sure I could convict you even if I had the evidence."

"Why?" Light croaked out.

"Because…" I hesitated. Did I really want to tell Light how I felt? Could I? "Because… I don't want to see you leave."

"I'm a murderer, L!" Light's head shot back and he stared intently into my eyes. "Don't you understand, L? I'm a murderer! A serial killer! A sociopath!"

"No," I said quietly but firmly. I looked directly into Light's gaze, challenging his ideas. "Kira is a murderer. Light Yagami is not. Light Yagami is my friend. I won't let my friend just die!"

"Friend?" Light-kun barked a laugh. "I thought that was a joke."

I felt a strange pain in my chest. I was angry, but more than that, I was hurt. "Yes, Light-kun. I care about you."

I released Light-kun's arms and turned my head away. I was about to stand when I felt him grab my wrist.

"Ryuzaki, please stay."

I turned back and looked at Light-kun. His eyes were covered by those carmel bangs that I always wanted to brush out of his eyes. I knelt curiously in front of him. Gently, I used my forefinger to lift the hair out of his eyes so I could see. His eyes were downcast, almost closed. I could see the residual dew-drop tears lingering on the corners of his eyes and the thin shining trails that ran down his cheeks.

"Ryuzaki," Light-kun whispered to me, "I- I care about you… too. That's why you need to detain me. I never want to hurt you like- like in my dream." Light-kun stared at his hands as though they might betray him.

"Light-kun, we are two super geniuses… I think we should be able to find a way to clear your name… To keep you… safe…" As I spoke to Light, I moved closer and closer to him. "I want to protect you because," I whispered, moving my head until I rested my head on Light's shoulder. I wrapped my arms around him and turned my head towards him until my lips barely brushed the edge of his cheek like the shadow of a kiss. "Because I can't lose you."

I felt Light tighten beneath my arms. I was about to pull away, thinking myself unwelcome, when I felt Light return my hug fiercely. I gasped with the sudden pressure on my back, but I quickly settled myself back onto Light. "I can't lose you either, Ryuzaki," he whispered in my ear.

I smiled, my eyes drooping downwards in contentment. "Thank you, Light-kun. Please… please stay."

Slowly, Light pushed me backwards. I almost felt betrayed but I could tell there was a reason other than rejecting me. I opened my eyes to look into his. He had a strange kind of determination written on his face. "Light-kun?" I breathed.

"Ryuzaki, I… I- yes. Yes, I want to stay with you."

My face lit up and I smiled at him. I felt my cheeks heat in a blush as Light returned my smile.

Then, Light leaned close to me, our faces moving closer and closer together. I held my breath, my heart was racing with adrenaline. I closed my eyes as our lips connected.

I felt a warm bubbling emotion rise within my chest. I clutched Light to me. His lips were warm and comforting. I felt safe as I held him to me. Light ran a hand through my tangled mass of hair. I kissed Light awkwardly but he didn't seem to mind, holding and guiding me to a way I could hold him comfortably.

I was lost in complete bliss. I hadn't realized how much I had desperately wished for Light's affection. Now that I had it, I felt completely elated.

After what felt like the best eternity of my life, we broke away to gasp for breath, smiling at each other as we pressed out foreheads together.

"Light," I whispered as we held onto each other, "I had no idea… Have you always… liked me?"

Light blushed, smiling at me as he spoke, "No, I disliked you for the longest time. But the longer we have been chained together, the more I have enjoyed your company. Then I started to love every time I noticed a new odd behaviour. I love watching you as you work towards solving the Kira case. I love seeing your mind work. A little while ago, I realized that I was in love with you but I didn't think that you would ever love me in a million years."

"Light," I said as I kissed him again, "I have to say that my feeling developed much the same."

"But, Ryuzaki, don't you still believe I'm Kira?"

I thought through my answer. It wasn't a simple 'yes' or 'no.' "I believe that you used to be Kira. I believe that now, you are Light Yagami. I think that you could become Kira again. I think that you could have his powers still even if they are dormant, but I do not think that you are Kira right now. And I plan on helping you at every corner so that you do not become Kira again.

Light buried his head in my shoulder, holding me close to him. I placed one hand on the back of his head and the other a wrapped around his back.

"Thank you, Ryuzaki. Thank you."

"Just… don't lead me to my death," I said only somewhat jokingly.

Light lifted his head, and kissed me again, "Would you please stay? I don't want to see Kira again tonight."

Light released me from his grasp and laid his head on his pillow. He looked up at me pleadingly. Normally I wouldn't concede because I had work to do and don't often require sleep, but the sweet look that Light gave me made me lay my head down next to Light's. "Okay, Light, I will stay for a couple hours but probably not the whole night."

"Okay," Light breathed, his eyes drooping closed, "I understand." He paused for just long enough that I thought he had fallen asleep before I heard him mumble, "and I like hearing you say just my name."

I blushed realizing that I had started to drop the honorifics.

"You do need to sleep, though, Ryuzaki."

I grumbled but closed my eyes nonetheless. I was comforted to sleep by the warmth of Light beside me. For once, I felt like there was someone else who was worth my time. I felt like I had someone who was able to complete me. I had found someone that I wanted to protect.

With my eyes barely open to see in the dark room, I leaned my head up so I could kiss Light's forehead, brushing his bangs out of his eyes, before I laid my head down on the pillow and fell asleep.


	2. The Edge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kira visits Light in his dreams and begins to get into his head. Light panics when a strange idea hits him and L struggles to calm him down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah yes. Once again I wrote another chapter to a completed fanfic because it was suggested in the comments. Well, I got really excited about this one and had a lot of fun writing it. I will say this warning: If you want a happy, _complete_ ending, just imagine that this chapter and any that follow it don't exist. _This_ chapter ends okay but I'm planning on doing more and they will end progressively worse and worse (as in closer to canon with, y'know, Light being evil and all...). Well, tell me what you guys think and if anyone wants this to continue. I almost always take suggestions and ideas!

Light's PoV~

"Hello Light."

I shot my eyes open and started looking around frantically in the inky blackness. _No. No, this can't be happening. I have to get away._

I started running, my feet pounding on the gelatinous black surface. I didn't care where I was going, I just wanted _away._

"You can't run from me Light."

I looked in front of me to see a figure dully glowing but the light was enough to make me avert my eyes, turn around, and dash the other way.

The figure's haunting laugh echoed through the endless void. "You know you can't run from fate."

I tripped and fell onto my hands and knees. I was panting, gasping for a breath that seemed to be held just out of my reach.

The figure knelt down on one knee, using the other as a support for his arm which in turn supported his head.

"Come on, Light. You can take my hand. I'll help you."

I shivered as I felt the pull under my arms as the figure dragged me to standing. I threw him off of me, not daring to look at him as I did, "Don't touch me!" I cried.

The figure tsked like a parent debating how to punish their child.

Then, faster than the tearing scar of lightning, the figure grabbed my chin with his hand. He forced my downturned head up to look at him. I scrunched my eyes shut.

"Now, now, is that any way to treat yourself?"

He jabbed me in the stomach and my eyes shot open in a startled gasp. I clutched at the hand under my chin— the hand around my throat.

I stared into the reddened eyes of the figure that were slightly obscured by the carmel bangs. His face was like a warped mirror— twisted and cruel— but I recognized him.

"Please," I choked out.

"Oh," my other self said tilting his head in a mock-pout, "Is little Light-kun afraid?"

Suddenly, the inky surroundings vanished only to be replaced by the task force headquarters. I averted my eyes from the red ones glaring delightedly at me. An alarm blared but it sounded like it was echoed underwater. Suddenly, the world went into slow motion as L, my sweet, sweet L, cried out an order and then stopped, mid-word. He froze then he started to tilt left. I heard the clanging of his spoon as it hit the ground.

"Ryuzaki!" I shouted, fighting with all of my might to get free from my own grasp. The figure holding me split into two phantoms. One clutched me while the other dove towards Ryuzaki, catching him as he hit the floor.

I watched as the figure smiled sadistically above my L. I watched as Ryuzaki's eyes drifted closed.

Tears streamed down my face, "L! RYUZAKI!" I reached out desperately, fighting as hard as I could to reach him. I shouted my pure horrifying agony to the world. "Please," I sobbed.

I bowed my head in defeat. My arms went limp. I let my warped-mirror image hold me up.

Suddenly, I was dropped into a heap. I sobbed into the ground, my throat raw and aching. My cries were horrifying garbled noises. "Ryuzaki…" I breathed.

The figure knelt down once more in front of me, but I had stopped caring.

The figure— Kira— scoffed at me. "How pathetic." I looked up, my vision blurred by tears. I saw Kira sneering at me as he shook his head disappointedly. "One day— one day soon— I'll fix that. Then you won't have to worry any more."

"Please," I sobbed, "Please, just take me. Just end _me_!"

Kira laughed. It was cold and sick and twisted— a breathy laugh filled with the insane giggling of a delighted child.

"Light-kun?"

The voice that called out my name was not Kira's. This one was comforting and familiar. I blinked rapidly, trying desperately to clear my vision of those red eyes as I sat upright in the bed. The dark, cackling laughter still rang through my ears even though it was gone from my present world.

I noticed a dull glowing light drifting through the gently fluttering curtains of the window. I knew Ryuzaki was beside me, but I didn't want to look at him. My throat still felt thick from crying.

"Light-kun?" he asked again. I turned to look at Ryuzaki, his face a mask of concern, and, instantly, my eyes filled with tears again. I wrapped my arms around him fiercely, burying my head into his shoulder, his messy hair tickling my forehead.

I hadn't realized how much it had hurt me to see him die.

_One day soon…_

I froze as I heard Kira's voice echo menacingly through my head. I clutched Ryuzaki to me, not daring to let him go for fear of having him stolen away again.

"Light-kun?" Ryuzaki asked again. "Was… was it...?" He trailed off, clearly at a loss for words.

I nodded, unable to speak, but realized that Ryuzaki couldn't tell I was nodding. "Yes," I finally managed to choke out. My voice was broken and sounded more like a harsh cough than anything intelligible.

Ryuzaki, thankfully, stayed silent. He held me in his arms carefully, letting me cry into his shoulder.

As time passed, I tried to make myself focus on other things. I stared out the window at the dull grey of the morning. I watched the birds that fluttered past the window. I played with the crinkles in the back of Ryuzaki's white shirt and the soft tangly strands of his hair. I focused on my breathing. I focused on the light of the room and the warmth of Ryuzaki holding me.

Eventually, I was able to take a deep, shaking breath of air. I pulled back and sat up so I could see Ryuzaki's face, making sure that my hands still rested on his forearms because I couldn't dare let him go. I couldn't bare the idea that Ryuzaki could die at any time.

"Ryu—" I started to say before I heard the echoing cackle of Kira.

_Oh, How sweet!_

"JUST SHUT UP!" I screamed, burying my head in my hands. I folded in on myself, fresh tears streaming down my cheeks.

I felt pressure around my shoulders as I was lifted upwards.

_NO!_ I thought panickedly, _Not again. I won't let Kira get ahold of me._

I fought out of Kira's grip and pulled myself away so violently that I fell of the side of the bed. I hit the ground hard on my back, knocking the breath out of me.

I stared up at the ceiling, trying desperately to make my eyes focus and to take a breath. I noticed that the chain had dragged Ryuzaki to the edge of the bed. He poked his head over the top to look at me. His mouth was etched in a deep frown and his eyes appeared to be full of concern.

I knew that Kira had tricked me into hurting Ryuzaki. I wanted him to stay away from me. I didn't want Kira to hurt him again.

I watched as Ryuzaki climbed down from the bed and crouched down next to me. "Light-kun… what can I do?"

A strange silence fell between us. I was so scared. I felt fear running through my veins in a swirling mix of frost and fire.

"Please tell me," Ryuzaki whispered, his head downcast and his eyes closed.

"You could lock me away," I said bitterly, turning my head away from him. I finally had everything I had wanted, and now Kira was ripping those things from my hands.

"I'm not going to do that, Light-kun. Not again. It would break your sanity."

"You don't think my sanity is already broken?" I shouted. "Kira is inside of me!"

"Light-kun," Ryuzaki started to say reasonably before I interrupted him.

"No! I don't want to hear your solutions!" I paused. I knew I was hysterical but I couldn't stop my outbursts. Suddenly, a dark idea popped into existence in my brain. I didn't know if it was Kira's or my own. I was frozen, my gaze was on the ground, darkened and frantic. "Why can't I just end this?" I muttered quietly. "I could save so many lives. I could save your life."

The more I thought about it, the more the idea appealed to me. I was sure I could jump off of the roof, there was no railing for safety. I could use the cool slick steel of a knife to pierce the skin on my wrist. I could starve myself as punishment for whatever Kira— for whatever _I_ had done. For what I could do.

My eyes gleamed. The idea, though shrouded in darkness, had a bright spotlight shining on it. It was harsh and hurt to look at, yet I couldn't look away. I wanted to study all of the pictures; analyze them.

I stood up, breezing past Ryuzaki, barely noticing him.

I was thinking the roof. Then, I could look out at the horizon and laugh in Kira's face. I could feel the wind rush past me as the ground expanded and grew before me, unfolding as the catch of death.

A smile played on the edge of my lips as I climbed the stairs. I was vaguely aware of the chain rattling as Ryuzaki followed behind me.

With my death, I could save him. I could stop Kira. I would win.

I slammed the door to the roof open with a bang and stomped triumphantly onto the concrete roof. I stared out at the mist covered city, amazed by the way everything I could see faded into a dull grey fog. It looked endless, like we were both confined into our own quiet bubble of life and like we were apart of a neverending world.

I smiled, a small giggle escaping my lips as I started to move towards the edge. Before I could get too far, I felt a sharp pull on my left wrist. I wasn't bothered by it, though, and pushed forward.

The pulling strength increased. I scowled but just fought it.

Suddenly, I was yanked backwards. I fell down onto my ass with a groan. I looked back at L. He had yanked the chain so that it was shorter. I glared at him; I wanted to die.

"Why are you trying to stop me?" I said bitterly.

"Because I refuse to watch you die. Because even when I feel down, I've always had a reason to keep going. Because You finally get me to care about you and then you go and try to kill yourself!"

Ryuzaki held himself high above me, his back more straight than usual. He looked down on me, his face a mask of serious determination. "Not to mention the fact that you would be taking me with you!" He shook the chain that he still held and then threw it to the ground, turning around as though he couldn't bare to look at me anymore.

I didn't know what to say. I remained silent, stunned, listening to his words.

"Light, I refuse to have suffered and wished for this for my whole life, only to finally have a want to live, to then have you take that from me."

Ryuzaki crouched down, his usual hunched posture returning. He pulled me to a more casual sitting position and held my shoulders, his face inches from mine.

"It doesn't matter if you used to be Kira because you are _not_ Kira right now. You are Light Yagami. How many times do I have to tell you that?"

I looked downward. It was strange how suddenly the idea of death had dimmed. It became like a faded memory. I couldn't tell how or why I had wanted to jump off of the building.

I knew my eyes were shining with tears. I leaned forward slowly to pull Ryuzaki into a hug.

I was grateful that he had stopped me, but more so, I was amazed by his past. I knew Ryuzaki occasionally became depressed but I never knew that he was suicidal. I could easily imagine Watari calmly holding a young Ryuzaki, trying to give him a purpose to live.

"Thank you, Ryuzaki," I whispered into his ear.

Ryuzaki said nothing as he held me.

"In… in my dream…" I started tentatively. I felt Ryuzaki straighten under my hands. I continued with my voice barely above a whisper, "In my dream I was running. I was running from Kira. But… he caught me. He looked exactly like me, but his face was twisted into a cruel smile and his eyes glowed red. Then… we were in the task force headquarter's main room when… when you died. Kira… he told me that it would happen. That I would be the one to kill you. He laughed over your dead body as I cried. He didn't even care, he just laughed. I think that was what broke me the most: the idea that I could stop caring about you enough to laugh at your dead body."

I clutched Ryuzaki to me as I spoke. I didn't want to fade into that dull blackness again.

"Then," I continued, my voice shaky, "when I was talking to you after I woke up, I heard his voice. Kira kept mocking me. He kept calling to me and telling me that you were going to die. He… laughed at me.

"I don't want to care. I want to be able to ignore the voice, but it is so _loud_. It is so loud that I can't focus. It is deafening."

"Do you hear it now?" Ryuzaki asked softly. He reached his hand up and began to play with the ends of my hair.

"No," I admitted. "Right now, Kira is silent."

I sat up, wanting to look at Ryuzaki's face as he spoke. A grin played at the edge of his lips as an idea came to him, "How about this: if the voice of Kira returns, just respond like I would and tell him that you would prefer to eat cake over taking over the world. And if he appears before you, just imagine that he knocked your cake out of your hand and onto the ground."

I laughed. The sound was genuine and pure and not Kira-crazy. I looked at Ryuzaki. In that moment, I loved him so much that I couldn't even put it into words. My laughter settled into a smile. "Yeah, I'll do that. Thank you, Ryuzaki."

"You aren't allowed to leave me," Ryuzaki said as he leaned close to me. He closed his eyes and pressed his lips to my forehead in a gentle kiss. I melted into his touch, the warmth filling me inside. "Now," Ryuzaki said as he pulled back, "how about we head inside and get ready for facing the taskforce and the other Kira?" Ryuzaki stood up and offered his hand to me. I took it and we started to walk back into the building.

"Plus, I'm getting hungry for some cake and the sun is too bright for my taste," Ryuzaki added, squinting at the mist.

I wrapped my arm around his shoulder as I laughed again. It felt so good to laugh; to have the darkness fade away. "First of all, I don't know what sun you are talking about, the sky in completely grey. Second, as I have told you before, cake is not a breakfast food. You need to take care of yourself better."

"So you say after you just tried to commit suicide," Ryuzaki pointed out.

I scowled playfully.

"You should try cake at breakfast sometime. It is delicious."

"No, I'll save the cake for later." I was glad to not feel the darkness surrounding me, but I could tell it was still there. There was no way that Kira would leave me. I had to find a way to get rid of him.

Somehow.


	3. Countermeasures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L is worried by Light's suicidal tendencies and seeks Watari's help to remedy them... hopefully without anyone finding out about the two of them.

L's PoV~

I watched Light with growing concern.

I felt like I never took my eyes off of him, though, with the chain, that was not abnormal.

Rarely did he sleep well at night. Or at all. A couple nights he had stayed up working on cases with me, while other times he would lie in bed, facing away from me, pretending to sleep. If he ever did fall asleep, then it was restless. He would cry out in fear from the Kira he saw.

Every time, I tried my best to comfort him, but there was only so much I could do. I had never been good at comforting people.

I had almost stopped sleeping entirely. I knew there had to be a way to save Light, if only I could find it.

Light was still good at keeping his perfect facade whenever we were around the Task Force. The only time that he seemed to break was at night. He had stopped keeping his facade up when he was alone with me. Those were the times I tried my best to keep him sane.

One night, while Light-kun was (finally) fast asleep, after I had forced him to lie down, I typed a message to Watari:

**Watari,**

**I need your help.**

**I can't move but I need to talk to you.**

I looked over the note multiple times. I never typed much to Watari because of how well he understood me, but I knew this was a strange request. I sent the message before I could change my mind and waited for his response.

As I waited, I noticed that it was two in the morning. I cringed, instantly feeling guilty. I knew Watari would wake and come at my beck and call, but I still felt bad for waking him.

Watari's reply popped up on my computer:

**I'm on my way, Ryuzaki.**

I closed my eyes, thinking through what I would say, categorizing my points in my head. I didn't want to tell him about Light being Kira, about him admitting to being Kira. I also didn't know if I could tell him about the two of us. Though, Watari was so perceptive, it would be much harder to fool him than it had been for the other task force members.

I heard the door to our room open softly. There were no lights in the hallway so no additional light flooded into the dark room. I held my breath as I heard the soft click of the door's latch.

Watari walked over calmly to me. He was wearing his usual suit and tie. I still didn't know why he did that; those things were so uncomfortable.

"Thank you for coming, Watari," I said softly.

"Of course. What do you need, Ryuzaki?" Watari whispered.

I glanced over at Light-kun then instantly regretted it. I saw Watari's eyebrow twitch in inquiry.

"I'm worried about Light-kun," I said, looking at the ground instead of at Watari. I felt like a child admitting to having broken a vase.

Watari remained silent, letting me continue when I was ready. "I-I think the stress is getting to him. He's showing signs of… of suicidal tendencies." I held my breath, trying to force my thick and cumbersome tongue to articulate words. "He… he tried to kill himself a few days ago."

Watari nodded solemnly, "What can I do, Ryuzaki?"

"Can you make sure that there are no sharp blades anywhere that he could get to them on his own? I think I can handle him if I pay attention, but if he gets a knife when I'm not looking at him…"

"Yes. I will remove all blades from Light's accessible vicinity." Watari paused, as though he were debating whether or not to ask the question that was very clearly on his mind. "Yes, Watari? What is it?" I prompted.

"When was the last time you slept?" Watari asked plainly.

"It's that obvious?" I asked, playing with my lip as I did so.

"Yes," Watari said. "You know, I'm responsible for you too. You need sleep."

I knew from past experiences that Watari would not relent. He had only forced me to sleep once when I had stayed awake for over four days, 102 hours, but he _would_ shut down my computer for a couple of hours.

I decided to relent, I _was_ rather tired. I glanced over at Light, his forehead creased in worry. I wanted to lie down next to him, to hold him. But, I looked back at Watari and knew that I couldn't with him there. "Okay, thank you, Watari," I sighed, closing my computer and dowsing the room in a shadowy fog.

I turned around in my chair and laid my head on my arms on the back of the chair. I was facing away from Watari and was instead staring at Light-kun.

"Ryuzaki?" Watari asked.

I closed my eyes for a moment, wishing I could fall asleep quickly, but Watari knew me far too well.

"Ryuzaki?" Watari asked again. I turned my head over and looked at him. "Yes?" I asked. Even I could hear the annoyance in my monotone answer.

"You shouldn't sleep in the chair again," Watari told me.

"What?" I asked, extremely confused.

"You always sleep in your chair. I think you should sleep somewhere else."

"Where?" I asked waiting impatiently to see what he would say. I had to focus to breathe.

Watari looked pointedly at Light and then down at me. He raised an eyebrow ever so slightly and then turned away from me. "I'm going to take care of the knife situation. I expect you to be working no earlier than six."

In the past, I would have balked at the time he set for me and argued for four or five in the morning, or maybe even earlier, but this time, my mind was far too occupied by the implication he had made about Light and I.

I wanted to ask, but I didn't really want to know the answer.

Watari gave me one more look and then walked out of the room, closing the door silently behind him.

I stood up, the chain rattled softly in the silence of the room. I wondered if Watari knew about Light and I. He had to know based on how he was looking at us. Nonetheless, I crept over to the other side of Light's bed and gently crawled in. I rested my head on the pillow, staring at the back of Light's head. I wondered what he was dreaming about. I hoped that he would be able to sleep soundly for a night.

It was only a moment before the warmth of Light beside me lulled me into a restless sleep.

***

I woke up to the sound of Light whimpering at around four in the morning. I was immediately awake. I slowly stroked his shoulder trying to calm him down. The whimpering stopped after a moment. I thought Light had gone back to sleep until I saw his open carmel eyes staring forlornly down at the sheets of the bed.

"Light?" I whispered, "Did he come back?"

Light blinked slowly then gave me a nod so small I worried I had imagined it.

I wrapped my arm around him then, resting my head on on his shoulder, I held Light to me. "We'll figure a way out of this," I told him but I knew my voice was uncertain.

Light said nothing. We were trapped in a lasting silence that seemed stiff and like it clung to everything.

After a while, I thought Light had fallen asleep until I heard the soft breath of his voice, "What if… What if Kira comes back?"

"Then I will find Light Yagami," I replied.

"What if I— he— kills you?"

"Remember: you still don't know my name."

"Ryuzaki, you know how resourceful I am! I— Kira probably has a plan to kill you," Light had raised his voice so he was almost shouting.

"Then I would just have to work quickly to beat him. And save you."

"Nothing you do would help. He's insane," Light paused, his voice dropping back to a whisper, "I'm insane."

I wanted to deny it but I couldn't. I was still forced to suspect Light-kun even though I didn't want to. I was still asked to find Kira and send him to his death. And, though I didn't want to admit it, I was starting to wonder if Light could have schizophrenia. If Kira was in his head as an embodiment of his wrongdoings of the past. No, that wouldn't explain his being Kira before. Maybe Light has a split personality and defeated the Kira in his mind causing his personality to go all weird.

_Even if he does have a split personality_ , I thought to myself, _I can help him_. He already fought Kira once, maybe he could fight him again.

I steeled myself and gripped Light-kun's shoulders. "Light-kun, I will NOT leave you. I will fight Kira with you but I refuse to let you suffer. So, are you with me? Will you fight Kira with me? Or will you give into depression?"

Light looked taken aback. He was quiet then, he wiped his eyes and nodded, speaking quietly. "Okay, I'll try. Ryuzaki, I don't want to lose you."

I wasn't used to this kind of attachment but I didn't want to ever lose Light. I welcomed the foreign feelings.

Tentatively, I leaned forward, wanting Light-kun to be close to me. I didn't want to let him go. I pressed my lips to his in a soft kiss.

I clutched Light to me as I kissed him. After a moment, I pulled back, "It's not me I'm worried about. I'm worried about losing you. You aren't allowed to get me to be attached to you only to then disappear and become Kira."

Light nodded and I accepted his answer with a soft kiss. I breathed into him, moving with him. His touch was soft and warm, but still distant.

I decided then that I would help Light-kun no matter what. Even if Kira took over, I wouldn't put him to death, I would fight until I found my Light-kun again.

***

~next morning~

I noticed Light-kun dragging as we looked for any evidence we could on Yotsuba. We were trying to get Misa to find out who the Kira was but that still involved a lot of waiting and searching for additional clues.

I saw Light's fingers hovering above the keys of the computer, his stare vacant and distant. "Light-kun, are you okay?"

It was unusual for his perfect facade to drop so suddenly and dramatically.

Light shook his head sharply and looked back to me, despair in his eyes. "Yes, Ryuzaki. I'm okay."

I glanced behind me. Everyone was out working on some task or another, save for Yagami-san. I played with my lip, wondering if I could get him to leave for a moment convincingly.

"Yagami-san?" I called out. He sat up sharply, his gaze piercing, "Yes, Ryuzaki?"

"Could you bring me and Light-kun some tea and the report Watari just printed?" I hesitated hoping he would believe my lie. I had sent a file to Watari and told him to print it, but I didn't know if Yagami-san would go collect it. Or if he would believe it was a real file.

"Of course, Ryuzaki," Yagami-san said and then he was gone.

I blinked. We were alone. Light and I were alone. It was that easy.

I stood and walked to Light's chair, then, without wasting a moment, I turned his chair around towards me and kissed him. He was clearly stunned; I felt his eyes open wide and his breath catch. It was so worth it though.

"No more acting depressed!" I ordered playfully but sternly.

Light opened his mouth as if to protest but then decided against it. He nodded solemnly knowing that I was right.

"You know I'm not good at comfort and affection but I will be here for you. I…" I wanted to say that I promised I would help him to be rid of Kira, but I could make no such promises and I knew that. "I will try to help in any and every way I can."

Light smiled sadly at me. He leaned forward and kissed me deeply. "Thank you, Ryuzaki, we also can't make this a habit."

"What?" I asked innocently.

"Giving the task forge menial tasks so we can talk to each other."

"I wanted to make sure you were okay," I told Light. "But, you are right." I sighed and kissed him one last time. "Okay we have to get back to work, now."

I sat back down at my seat right around the time that Yagami-san walked back in. I thanked him for the file and the tea as he walked back to his own papers of work. I smiled coyly at Light, happy to have gotten away with our much needed diversion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'sup.  
> Please tell me what you guys think. I did this over a long period of time and while I was fairly tired so... I don't really know how it turned out relative to my other chapters. I will continue this sometime but I have a few other things that I'm working on first so it may be a couple weeks/months before I update. Y'know, juggling school and writing...
> 
> Tell me if you guys are enjoying this story! Next chapter... Kira gets his powers back! *dramatic music*


	4. Emotions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Higuchi is caught.   
> Kira gets his powers back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello to everyone who has been reading and waiting for this chapter. All of your kudos and comments helped me to finally be motivated enough to write this chapter. I was working on a much longer fic's chapter so that took me a while and this one felt really short comparatively, but I want to change perspectives next. **This story isn't over!** (And hopefully I will get the next one published much faster.) Enjoy!

Light~

Finally. We were going to catch Kira. I had barely gotten a good night sleep in weeks— maybe even months. I had lost track of how many days I had slept poorly. 

I remembered when I used to keep track of how many times I slept poorly… then how many times I had slept well. I remembered keeping track of how many times Ryuzaki had to subtly redirect my attention away from the blade of a knife or the edge of a building. 

Even just the idea of being rid of Kira lightened my spirits. 

_You know you will never be rid of me._

I closed my eyes and tried to get the words out of my head. I hated hearing _his_ commentary on everything I did. I hoped that by catching Kira I might be able to rid my mind of his wretched voice. 

I felt the sudden cool touch of Ryuzaki's hand on my arm. I looked into his eyes as he stared directly at me. He didn’t say a word, only let his touch and the knowledge of what he would normally say, if Watari was not behind us, echo in my mind. 

I blinked and let his soothing comfort wash over me. It helped and I was able to focus on the whirring of the helicopter blades and the streaking lights from the city below. Ryuzaki flew the helicopter expertly into position. 

Adrenaline coursed through my veins as the helicopter glided into a smooth decent. I knew that Ryzaki was feeling the same nerves I was. 

~

“Light-kun,” Ryuzaki had whispered. The night before we set our plan to catch Higuchi in motion, Ryuzaki and I had held each other close as we drifted in and out of sleep, him whispering comfortingly into my ear as we stared into the darkness. “I’m worried.” 

“About what?” I asked, already knowing the answer. 

“I’m worried that Kira planned for this.” Not me, but Kira. “That Kira planned for Higuchi to be caught and… and maybe you will get your powers back.” I had grown used to hearing the subtle emotion that was hidden in his dull tone— Ryuzaki was thoroughly worried. I remained silent. I didn't know what I could say. I was afraid he was right. If I was the one to have given up Kira’s powers, then I could have arranged it so that I would get the powers back. But there was no way I wanted the powers back. Not now. 

_Yes you do. You always want more power. You can’t deny that I’ve been getting to you._

I had wanted to scream out— tell him to stop, but I had to bite my tongue and remain silent to Kira and to L. 

“Light-kun?”

“Yes? Ryuzaki?” 

“Light-kun, I- I don’t think that Kira will give you a choice, but if he does, what will you choose?” 

I hesitated for less than a heartbeat before answering, “I would choose you. I haven't been this happy in years. In fact, I don’t remember the last time I was this happy.”

In the darkness I could see the faint smile that played on Ryuzaki’s lips. I leaned over and pressed my 

lips to his, gently, caringly. Ryuzaki melted into me, his arms wrapped around my torso and our legs intertwined. I pulled my head back and hugged Ryuzaki to me, his head resting on my chest and my chin resting on the top of his head. “I wouldn’t still be here if it weren’t for your repeated attempts to keep me alive.” I brushed some of Ryuzaki’s hair off of his forehead and gently kissed his forehead. “Thank you, Ryuzaki.” 

“Light-kun?” 

“Yeah?” I said nervously.

“What if… what if Kira chooses?” 

I didn’t answer. I held Ryuzaki silently in the dark, letting my silence be answer enough. 

~

“Light-kun, are you ready?”

I turned to see Ryuzaki peering at me in concern. I stared at the bright lights of police cars outside of the helicopter, all of them trained on a wrecked car that was crashed against the side wall. A police blockade was on the other side of the highway from us. 

I looked back to Ryuzaki. I knew that Higuchi was in that car. Kira. 

_Yep! I’ll get to formally make your acquaintance, once again, in just a bit._

I still hadn’t told Ryuzaki about Kira’s voice. I was still too afraid to. Now, I was also afraid of all of the ways tonight could go wrong. 

Ryuzaki glanced behind him at Watari. He clearly had something he wanted to say but not in front of the old caretaker. I couldn’t help but wonder if Watari had pieced our relationship together. I was sure I had heard him a few times during the night when I couldn’t sleep. 

Ryuzaki squeezed my hand and whispered quietly, “Light, are you okay?”

I wondered which answer would be better. I decided to be honest, “No. I’m terrified.” 

I knew there was nothing that Ryuzaki could do, but I was still scared out of my mind. 

“I’ll be right here, if…” Ryuzaki left his sentence opened, trailing off as he stared out at the police officers approaching Higuchi’s car. 

“I know,” I said, moving my hand away from his. 

_Oh, yes. I’ll be right here too. If you’d like._

I resisted the urge to cry. 

If he came, if Kira tried to reclaim me, I would fight. I just didn’t know if could win. 

“Ryuzaki,” I said tentatively, “Can you promise me something?”

He looked at me, his huge owlish eyes boring into my own. 

“Promise me that you will catch and imprison Kira. No matter what. Kira needs to die.” I stared at him intently as I spoke. Judging from the sharp, intelligent, yet pained look in Ryuzaki’s eye, I was sure that he understood my meaning. 

A loud crack caused me to jump away from Ryuzaki. I looked around at where Watari had shot his sniper rifle. He had hit Higuchi’s hand. He had been holding a gun to his head.

Mogi and Soichiro moved in to apprehend Higuchi. I watched the events play out like a horrific movie. They pulled him out of the car, my dad looked into the car, came out with a notebook, and fell to the ground, screaming in terror. Mogi grabbed the small black notebook and fell beside him, also screaming.

Ryuzaki was crying out orders. The notebook was brought over to the helicopter.

_Yes! Yes, there it is!! I’ve been waiting to be reunited for forever._

I shivered. I wanted to run away. I wanted to get as far away as I could. I glanced at the chain wrapped around my wrist. By being attached to Ryuzaki, he had saved my life numerous times but I wondered if now, by holding me here, he was leading me to my death. 

The small black book that my father was holding was confirmed to be the instrument of death. Ryuzaki requested it was brought over. 

_NOOO!_ I wanted to cry out. I wanted to stop him.

_Yes. Let it come. Here I come._

I whimpered slightly as Mogi handed the book to Ryuzaki who pinched it between his fingers and then stared out the window. 

Suddenly, the book was in my hands. 

No!

_Yes!_

I was hit by a tidal wave of emotions and shattered thoughts.

Naomi Misora.

Ryuk. 

My watch. 

Snow. 

Fear. 

Power. 

The scratch of graphite. 

L.

Lind L. Taylor.

Kurou Otoharada.

Death Note.

Rem.

Misa Amane. 

Criminals. 

 

I was vaguely aware of my own voice screaming. 

One in triumph. 

One in anguish. 

No. Get it away from me. 

_Finally._

Ryuzaki. Ryuzaki, help me!

_Now, you only have to use your watch and kill Higuchi._

NO! Stop! Drop the notebook!

_You are Kira._

I need Ryuzaki. I need to catch Kira. 

_And die yourself? No, now you have the power._

Power. 

_Your watch._

Ryuzaki…

_L, your enemy._

My love. 

“Are you okay Light-kun?” 

“ _Yeah_ ” I heard myself say. “ _I’m going to check the names with the people who have died._ ”

“Oh. Good idea.”

Ryuzaki! Take it!

_The watch! Use it!_

There was a soft click. The back of my watch was open. Inside, there was a piece of paper and a needle. 

No!

_I picked up the needle._

My finger had a thump of pain as a drop of red appeared. 

And then, I was writing. 

And then, it was over. 

_Yes! I thought as I smiled maliciously. Finally. We’ve won._

…

I was silent. 

What could I say? 

Higuchi was already on the ground, and I was holding back laughter. 

And it was over.


	5. Note to everyone reading

Let me just say that I'm sorry, this isn't a chapter. I know that a lot of people have read this fic and are probably waiting for an update. (god, has it really been two months??)  
Time has sort of just flown away from me and I've been working on two slowburn fics at the same time so I sort of pushed this one to the back and lost inspiration. I'm going to go back and reread it and figure out where I am in the story and then I'll get the concluding chapters out in the next week or so. 

Part of the problem is that I cannot for the life of me decide if I want this to end sad or happy. If you guys have any preference, go ahead and leave a comment. Otherwise, I think I'll write both and then either publish both as a sort of "choose your ending" or I'll publish whichever one is better. 

I know this isn't even a chapter and I'm sorry for that but I have not abandoned this fic and I will get back to it very shortly. 

Thank you to everyone who has read this fic and given me kudos and to everyone who has bookmarked it and is probably waiting for me to update. It really does motivate me when you guys like my stuff so for one last time, thank you for reading and thank you for your patience. 

Bye. See you in a new chapter soon!


	6. Endless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kira has taken over and L has to try desperately to save Light-kun... and prevent Kira from killing again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO EVERYONE!   
> I am so so so sorry it has taken me so long to push a new chapter out but this is what writer's block is like I guess.   
> But I am done! Finally!  
> Thanks to all of you who stick with this and are excited to read this chapter! Enjoy :)

L~

Light-kun was different.  

There was no denying it, despite how hard I tried to. 

He stood alone and ill-tempered. When I would glance at him so we could share our usual sly smiles, he would look away with… something akin to distaste. 

When we got back, Light-kun had gone directly to our room and crashed on the bed. But he was sleeping in the middle of it. I couldn’t get close to him. 

The next morning, Light-kun had requested that I take the handcuffs off. 

My heart was heavy with worry as I unchained us. I spent the rest of the day absently rubbing my wrist where the metal used to chaff. 

Light-kun didn’t talk to me. 

He didn’t look at me. 

It was like there was a void in the room where my Light used to be. 

Something had happened last night. 

Maybe when Light-kun had touched the Death Note, Kira had taken over.

Could I have stopped it? 

Could I still save him?

I asked Watari to be watchful of Light whenever I wasn’t around him. If Kira had taken over then I couldn’t let him start killing again just because I cared for him. 

That night, I walked up to Light-kun, prepared to face anything. “Light-kun?” My tone was harsh. Too cold. 

“What is it, Ryuzaki?” Light-kun asked sounding bored and indifferent. He was laying on his bed, in his new room, with his hands folded behind his head and one leg resting on his other’s raised knee. He didn’t even look at me when I spoke. 

“I was coming to inquire about Kira,” I told him, my tone increasing in indifference. 

Light-kun sighed. “What? Am I not free? Are you going to chain me up again?” 

My eyes narrowed. “No. I’m not.” 

“Good,” Light-kun grumbled. “I was so tired of that damn chain.”

"Light-kun," I murmured, "Is something the matter? You don't seem like your usual self..." 

"And why might that be?" he asked accusatorially. "I haven't changed at all. I think that after we found the Death Note, your interest in me fell flat and that is it."

I opened my mouth to argue but Light-kun was talking again. 

"I think that I was a mystery. Your mystery. I was the dangerous criminal who could mysteriously kill thousands and thousands of people. And now that I'm  _ not _ that mystery, you don't care." 

I paused, wanting to argue but not knowing what to say. 

"Does that about sum it up?" Light-kun asked bitterly. 

"Light..." I whispered. 

"Because I think it does," Light-kun said before he turned around and stormed out of the room.  

 

Light~

I was trapped. Utterly trapped. 

The dark room surrounded me, and yet there was a single picture playing before me. It was what I could see with my eyes, I finally deduced. 

Though, that meant that I didn't have control of my eyes. I was just a puppet being played by Kira.

_ That's right, Light Yagami. I have control and you can't do anything. _

"What do you want?" I called. 

_ Nothing much. Just to rid the world of all its evil. All of its pain and suffering and heartbreak. To get rid of those who oppose me and forever enter a world where I am capable of dominating over everyone. _

"Get rid of those who oppose you?" I asked. "Does that include L?" 

_ Yes, I don't understand why you would even bother to gather feelings for someone so pathetic and weak. You two are enemies and always have been. _

"Ryuzaki cares for me!" I protested. 

_ Yes, enough to even tell you his real name _ , Kira said sarcastically. 

"He was doing that to protect himself," I defended. 

_ Sure, but he was mostly doing to to hoard more power over you. _

"He  _ does _ care for me, though. I know he does." 

_ Fine. All the better really because that means that he'll hesitate to kill you _ .

"What?" I cried. 

Silence.

"What?!" I tried again, louder.

Silence. 

No one replied.

Kira had left. I was alone and stuck listening to my own mind. 

 

L~

I had to talk to him. 

The real Light. 

Whoever Light was now was  _ not _ my Light. 

I was determined to get him back.

I walked up to the not-Light-kun and said, "Light-kun..." 

 

Light~

The last time Ryuzaki had talked to me had been torture. I could hear the cruel things that came out of my mouth but I couldn't do anything about it. 

And once again, Ryuzaki was trying to talk to me.

 

L~

Before I could think about it...

Before I could think things through... 

I went and pulled Light towards me. I pressed my lips to his. 

 

Light~

He pulled me towards him. 

And then he was kissing me. 

No, he was kissing Kira. 

I could feel the press of his lips against my own like the worst longing I had ever felt. 

"L!" I shouted. 

And then L and Kira were apart. 

But... the black room was fading. 

"Light-kun?" 

 

L~

As our lips interlocked, Light was frozen. He didn't move. 

Then he shouted "L!" loudly and I started backwards in surprise. 

"Light-kun?" 

He was looking at his hands in wonder, his head shifting around to look everywhere. 

Then his eyes locked onto me and he wrapped me up in a giant hug. "Ryuzaki!!!! You did it!!!"

"What?" I asked, perplexed but still happy. 

"I have control. Kira doesn't. I have control!" Light-kun cried joyously. He held me back and kissed my nose. "Thank you, Ryuzaki!"

"What happened?" 

 

Light~

I wasn't sure what had happened... but I was back. 

I felt a twinge at the back of my mind like Kira was stunned and merely standing up. 

"I'm not sure, but I don't have much time." 

Suddenly, I knew what I had to do. I knew what had to happen. 

 

L~ 

"Ryuzaki, listen to me," Light said, holding my shoulders. I was stunned. I didn't know what to do or say. 

"I don't have much time before Kira is back," Light-kun told me. I nodded. Somehow I knew what he meant.

"I can't control him. I can't win. He won't be surprised again and  _ this _ won't happen again," Light-kun said. He was staring directly into my eyes, his boring into my mind. 

I nodded again, already suspecting where things were going. 

"Ryuzaki, I am Kira," Light-kun said, closing his eyes. "I am Kira and Kira is me. And as much as the overwhelming power of the Death Note calls to me, I don't want to take it. I've seen how horrible Kira is. I've had to listen to him torture me in my own mind. I have no desire to become like that."

I swallowed. I knew what was happening.  _ No, _ I thought,  _ Please no. _

"I can't be Kira," Light-kun whispered. "The world can't take that. But I can't be Light Yagami either. I can't be the person that you fell in love with..." 

I watched his face pale slightly and his forehead crease in concentration. Then his eyes snapped open and he started again, "Ryuzaki. You know what must be done." 

I nodded. Small. Quiet. I didn't know what to say. I wanted to argue him out of this, but this was both the man I had been dying to capture, and the man I had fallen in love with. 

But I couldn't think of anything. 

We, two geniuses, couldn't think of a way to save Light. 

We couldn't think of a way to save him from himself. 

I blinked, my eyes feeling wet. I looked at Light. His face was clenched in concentration. 

"Light?" I whispered. 

"I'm here," he said, showing he still had control over his body. 

Gently, I reached my hand over and placed it on the side of his face. Gently I pulled him towards me in what I knew would be a final kiss. 

 

Light~

I leaned into Ryuzaki's touch. Feeling the way his lips felt under mine. I wrapped my arm around him and pulled his body against mine. 

"Thank you, Ryuzaki," I whispered. 

And then I was falling. 

My body wasn't but my mind was falling and crashing into the ground. 

I opened my eyes and found myself back in the black room. 

Kira shoved Ryuzaki away from him. 

"No..." I whispered, my voice cracking. 

_ You think you're such a clever bastard don't you? _ Kira's voice echoed all around me. 

_ Well, guess what?  _  he continued.  _ I know your brain. I know how it works. And I know what you are planning on doing. _

I stood up, my throat feeling constricted from tears. 

"No," I whispered, my voice stronger. "I know your mind, too, Kira. But here's where I beat you: I know L's mind. You only know the competitive side of him. You can't know the  _ full _ L. Not like I do. And you never will." 

_ Ha! What does that matter? _  Kira sneered. 

“Everything.” I told him defiantly. 

 

L~

No. 

_ No. _

Kira shoved me away. 

I felt Light-kun's absence immediately. I wanted to pull him back to me. I wanted hold him. I wanted to kiss him and feel the touch of his hands against me. I wanted to hear his voice. I wanted to hear him talk to me late at night as we lay next to each other. 

But Kira only looked at me in disgust. It hurt so much to see that look of revulsion on my Light-kun's face. 

But I knew that that wasn’t him. That wasn’t Light. 

Because Light was trapped inside and there was no way out. 

Light-kun scoffed, not bothering to say anything and whipped around to walk off. Almost on autopilot, I tried to follow him like we were still attached together with chains but I realized we weren’t and Kira wanted me gone. 

So I stopped and watched him. 

 

Light~

I didn’t have much to look for, to hope for. 

I had to hope that Ryuzaki would understand. 

I could maybe take over my body one more time before Kira would kill me but it would be difficult regardless. 

I hated listening to Kira’s conniving plots. His ideas to kill L. Maybe I could stop them subtly. Tell him bad ideas. 

But I didn’t know what to say. 

He would see it as a trap, especially if it came from my own mouth. 

All I could do was wait. Wait in the endless inky blackness until Ryuzaki was ready. 

 

L~

I told Watari. 

Not everything, but I told him that I might die, what to do if I did die, and how Light-kun was now Kira. He seemed shocked and amazed but it really did make perfect sense. 

And I supposed that it was some twisted cruel joke that it was raining. 

I stood on the roof, the place I had dreaded while Light-kun and I had been together. 

And I looked up at the clouds. 

Amongst the constant splash of rain, I swore that I could hear bells ringing in the distance. Those bells. 

I looked up at the clouds, waiting, thinking, water pouring off of my face in large thick drops. 

I faintly heard the shutting of the door. 

I turned and saw Light-kun there. 

Watching me. 

He said something but I couldn’t hear him. 

He came over to me. 

Everything was moving too quickly and too slowly. 

Kira told me to go inside. I merely turned to face the horizon, taking a step closer to the edge. 

“Light,” I said softly, “Are you ready to let go?” 

 

Light~ 

Kira sneered. 

I glared at him. 

“You won’t get away with this,” I muttered, hoping to distract him. 

I looked, through Kira’s eyes, at my Ryuzaki. His hair hung limp around his shoulders, dripping with water. His shirt was soaked through, his face looked so long and pale. 

I wanted to hold him, warm him up. Do something. 

But I needed to focus. 

_ I won’t? _ Kira asked me, his words echoing.  _ I’m surprised you are still so strong and annoying. I would have thought you would have submitted by now. _

I glanced at Ryuzaki. This was the moment. 

I focused on his face and waited. 

He seemed to know what was happening and stepped closer to me. 

I waited, my breath held, as he reached out, moving both excruciatingly slowly and faster than light, to grab my hand. 

Instantly, I felt the jolt and my pathway.

 

L~ 

Light-kun shook his head violently and then looked at me. 

I could tell. 

Just from his eyes I could tell that he was my Light. I could see how calm and relaxed he was. I could see the way he looked at me. It wasn’t hostile and with calculating distaste like when Kira took over. 

No, now his gaze was softer. Full of more care and worry. 

I never would have expected that it could change his face so much but it did. He looked younger, kinder, more like the Light-kun I had fallen in love with. 

He didn’t say anything. 

He just stared at me. 

“Ready?” I asked softly. 

He nodded, squeezing my hand. 

“Are you sure this is the only way?”

He smiled sadly at me and nodded again. 

We turned around to the horizon. 

The bells were chiming louder. 

We took a step towards the edge. 

Light-kun turned to look at me. “I’m sorry,” he whispered softly. 

I was about to tell him to stop, to not worry about feeling sorry, but I couldn’t find the words. My throat was clenched closed. My mind felt like it was breaking.

Instead, I leaned close to him and softly kissed him. Our lips didn’t quiet align but I didn’t care. It was soft and quick and so so short. 

Because it had to be. 

I pulled away, my eyes downcast. 

I didn’t say anything. 

And then I felt his fingers leave my grip. 

I felt him step backwards and gently slide out of my grip. 

And he wasn’t beside me. 

And I couldn’t reach him. 

I couldn’t stop him. 

All I could do was watch. 

 

Light~ 

I wanted to look into Ryuzaki’s eyes one last time. I wanted to hold his hand forever. 

I wanted to be beside him. 

But I couldn’t lose him too. I hated that he had to lose me but this really was the best way. 

Sort of the only way. 

And so I had pulled my hand out of his grip. And stepped backwards. 

I had seen the look of instant panic and despair on his face, and I had wanted to tell him “Don’t look.” 

But I knew him, too. And he would have never listened to me. 

And so I was falling.

And Ryuzaki was getting farther and farther away, his arm extened tentatively, as though he were trying to grab me. 

But that was okay. 

_ WHAT ARE YOU DOING? _ !!! Kira screamed in my head. 

I folded in. I let him take control. 

I smiled. I watched from the blackroom how Ryuzaki disappeared. I watched the buildings flying past. 

I could imagine how things could have been different. I could imagine a world where I never got the Death Note back. Where I controlled Kira. 

But that would never happen. 

But that was okay. 

Because I knew that we had won. 

We had beaten Kira. 

And he would never again destroy the world. 

I closed my eyes and smiled. 

I didn’t need to watch. 

Because… it was already over.

 

L~

He was gone. 

I knelt by the edge. I could faintly make out his body. 

I turned away, feeling sick.

My stomached rolled and I threw up over the side.

I wanted to join him.

I wanted Light back.

I walked inside. 

I walked until I found Watari. 

“It’s done,” I whispered. 

Watari nodded and turned to head outside and find his body like we had discussed.

I walked blindly through the building. 

Light-kun was nowhere. 

But I knew where he was. 

I just… didn’t want to believe it.

I just wanted to bring him back. 

I felt empty. 

I felt alone. 

I wanted to jump off of the side. 

I wanted to join him. 

I wanted to be beside him always. 

I needed to.

But that wasn’t what he would want. 

I knew that.

Light, my Light, would want me to hold strong. He would want me to use my brain to help someone else. 

He would want me to live. 

Even though I no longer wanted to. 

The bells had seemed so loud before, but now they were silent. 

They had left me too. 

I was left alone. 

And that was it.

That was the end of Light-kun and my story. Because there was no more need to continue. 

We were both gone. 

~~~

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeaaah. So I went for the sad ending. Whether L kills himself or not is up to you.   
> Comments are always welcome.   
> Huzzah! We are finished!

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave kudos or comment if you liked it or if you have any suggestions for improvements. :)


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